feel like my blog maybe kind of sucks just a little bit
but also like i should "just keep pushing" for reasons that elude me
but are definitely and undeniably tied to getting "a large amount of hits"

maybe the desire for "mad/many hits" is more than just a need to feel "acknowledged internationally"/"world famous" via internet

maybe "going viral" is more than just a petty schoolboy dream

think on some level maybe shakespeare/miscellaneous greek and roman people wanted to 'go viral'

you know how we infer the existence of black holes via their effect on other things
feel like i have a thought with similar properties

ie i don't know it yet but i am aware of its presence
and if i can think it then maybe i will gain insight re going viral

thinking i need to up the quality
thinking i need to blog about more relevant things
thinking i maybe am not sure what things are relevant these days
feel out of touch with culture, like i 'live in a bubble' where all that's relevant
is taking slow shallow breaths and hoping the surface tension holds
would blog about taking slow shallow breaths but that
is relevant to me and me alone

currently have 24 hits
i think that's 24 more than most blogs do
feel a sense of accomplishment
feel mildly to moderately hungry,
but also like i don't have time to eat//am busy blogging/checking statcounter/also commenting on blogs

just checked stat counter again
now have 6 hits
feel slightly better about myself
feel like i may be breaking the niche
maybe breaking it all the way through to the mnstrm
feel good again
feel urge to document my ups and downs in an increasingly repetitive manner, also fairly to relatively constantly

beginning to think that in order to get lots of readers i should tackle serious issues
also in order to retain readers i should make them feel involved
feel like i should include them in my posts
make them feel welcome, also comfortable and also as if their opinion is valuable

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am currently experiencing a dilemma i feel is very deep and also universal/very common

i want to be happy, but i also want others to be happy
also want to not be a bad person
how do i do this

believe myself to be among the elite few who are self aware enough to address such an issue with unwavering confidence and also a proper level of seriousness, also unironically

feel like many to most other people are incapable of helping me out here
hope that maybe someone can help

how can i be happy
also not a jerk