feel very tired, also moderately to extremely waterlogged
wish the rain would fall in amounts less copious

coming progressively closer to 100 hits, though 'when was i not'
can't wait until the day on which i will meet the number 100
then, surpassing it,
move progressively farther from it

feel like this will lend my life some meaning


but what about meaning

when faced with the absurdity of life in an indifferent universe, why/how does one find meaning?

when faced with the absurdity of life in an indifferent blogosphere, why/how does one find meaning?

feel uncomfortable asking such questions
feel mildly to healthily afraid of being perceived as a 'pseudointellectual bro who's down for a 'deep' conversation about philosophy'

feel like my blog maybe kind of sucks just a little bit
but also like i should "just keep pushing" for reasons that elude me
but are definitely and undeniably tied to getting "a large amount of hits"

maybe the desire for "mad/many hits" is more than just a need to feel "acknowledged internationally"/"world famous" via internet

maybe "going viral" is more than just a petty schoolboy dream

think on some level maybe shakespeare/miscellaneous greek and roman people wanted to 'go viral'

you know how we infer the existence of black holes via their effect on other things
feel like i have a thought with similar properties

ie i don't know it yet but i am aware of its presence
and if i can think it then maybe i will gain insight re going viral

thinking i need to up the quality
thinking i need to blog about more relevant things
thinking i maybe am not sure what things are relevant these days
feel out of touch with culture, like i 'live in a bubble' where all that's relevant
is taking slow shallow breaths and hoping the surface tension holds
would blog about taking slow shallow breaths but that
is relevant to me and me alone

feel like it's been a while since my last post
"is that a bad thing"
considering enigmatically stopping
then people maybe will rediscover my blog when it's gone
admire my prolific number of posts
maybe set up "tribute/memorial" blogs
maybe a blog devoted to "tchtchtchtch exegesis"

feeling conflicted,also like i "need a lot of money"

currently have 24 hits
i think that's 24 more than most blogs do
feel a sense of accomplishment
feel mildly to moderately hungry,
but also like i don't have time to eat//am busy blogging/checking statcounter/also commenting on blogs

according to stat counter i have a total of 5 views so far
feel like this means:
-i have really reached an audience
-maybe i am making it big time
-maybe i have a blog future
-maybe i am bloggable afterall

feel like i am well on my way to becoming a blogosphere fixture
maybe i will become viral
maybe life is looking up

hope i am not just a niche though
hope i am universally appealing
feel like life is potentially looking up, but also potentially down
feel like i need some time alone