feel like maybe writing a shitty story is a good way to get readers somehow
feel like this works for deviantart/livejournal gals

bill was walking down the street. bill is a street-savvy teenager with a sharp wit and an equally sharp tongue. bill has dull fingernails because he practices "good hygiene" and clips them regularly. bill has dark hair and moderately pale skin.

harold? was also walking down the street. harold? is also a street-savvy teenager who possesses all of the physical traits that bill does, as well as a sizeable portion of his emotional and mental traits.

bill and harold? do not know each other. harold? does not know that bill has a pet pig. harold? does not know that bill's pet pig is named loaf. harold? does not know that when bill is not home, loaf likes to use facebook chat to send bill's friends the :putnam: emoticon.

bill doesn't know this either. bill believes that there are few to no emoticons that can sufficiently communicate the complex and disturbing emotions of a self-aware and existentially minded pig.

loaf is a depressed young soul with a soggy nose and a springy tail. bill will never have any meaningful contact with harold?. harold? will never have any meaningful contact with loaf. loaf will never have any meaningful contact with anything but the white truffle that haunts him in his dreams
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feel like loaf is maybe a symbol for me, but also like that is a cliche/painfully obvious thing to think