feel a vauge feeling of neutrality re neutrality, also neutral feelings of vagueness re vagueness

feel hazy sensation of wanting to go home, but am currently home

is this teenage angst

hope not

beginning to think that in order to get lots of readers i should tackle serious issues
also in order to retain readers i should make them feel involved
feel like i should include them in my posts
make them feel welcome, also comfortable and also as if their opinion is valuable

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am currently experiencing a dilemma i feel is very deep and also universal/very common

i want to be happy, but i also want others to be happy
also want to not be a bad person
how do i do this

believe myself to be among the elite few who are self aware enough to address such an issue with unwavering confidence and also a proper level of seriousness, also unironically

feel like many to most other people are incapable of helping me out here
hope that maybe someone can help

how can i be happy
also not a jerk

according to stat counter i have a total of 5 views so far
feel like this means:
-i have really reached an audience
-maybe i am making it big time
-maybe i have a blog future
-maybe i am bloggable afterall

feel like i am well on my way to becoming a blogosphere fixture
maybe i will become viral
maybe life is looking up

hope i am not just a niche though
hope i am universally appealing
feel like life is potentially looking up, but also potentially down
feel like i need some time alone

"feel like this post is what 43-87% of my conversations entail"

when i am in college i think i will maybe act slightly to extremely different from the way in which i currently act, though i may possibly preserve the language/nature of my internal monologue so as to stay "true to myself"

think i maybe will go through a phase in which i unironically use words and phrases like "creative/artist/poet", "core of my being", and "sacrosanct" in order to refer to myself/activities and/or behaviors i endorse
think i maybe will go through a phase in which i "like a lot of grrls at once/they are not repulsed by or neutral towards me"
think maybe i will go through a phase in which i "am comfortable being who i am"/"am unashamed of my friends"/"learn to appreciate what i have"

feel like i will never talk to the people i meet/befriend in the third phase ever except maybe awkward exchanges in the local store or something

feel slightly to moderately "depressed" about the prospect of confronting relics from my phases and maybe having "awkward situations" that i "thought i grew out of" on my hands

sometimes i think that i am a "very creative" person
but i don't feel comfortable referring to myself as such
maybe if i created more/more meaningful things i could feel comfortable
but am afraid of judgment/mildly to moderately harsh peer review/at what level of acclaim can you consider yourself a "poet/artist/other legitimate creative figure"

feel like maybe i should be more open about my feelings
but hide behind a cloak of ironic meta references, etc
feel like maybe openly referring to my own tactics will make people think i am using them, or maybe think about what i feel/say/do/think
feel like i don't know which feelings are mine and which i pretend to have
and, if i pretend to have them,
why would i do that///seems stupid

don't really know what to think
don't really care about anything anymore
don't really feel like my life/my friends/my favorite activities mean very much to me///wish they did/i am not "pumped" or "stoked" for any event or other applicable noun associated with any person/place/thing anymore
don't really feel as if my definition of "meaningful experiences" is aligned with that of other people
don't really feel like "mating w/ famous and/or attractive people"
don't really feel like "getting so wasted"

just feel like "chillaxing" on the roof/other meaningful part of a typical house or apartment complex
or maybe in the woods
just feel like exchanging practical and tactical hellos with people i know moderately to very well

afraid/worried that there may be some confusion as to "the purpose of this blog"
afraid that people will think i am "trying to be funny/witty/maybe cute"
feel like clarification is necessary///am 35-67% sure that maybe this will not seem as necessary within the next 2-387 hours/will feel "dumb"

this blog just is my internal monologue/thoughts/i don't know an appropriate name, written down as it happens
don't think it actually means/tries to be anything/"it is not sentient anyway"